LOTR: Schooling
by Storybookwriter
Summary: This is my new (and hopefully improved) fanfiction of LOTR: Academy. Less cheesy, more funny, new and funnier OC characters and added characters from The Hobbit both book and movie and LOTR, book and movie as well. Prepare yourself. Star Wars will be added to the mix in later chapters. What's funnier than adding Fantasy and Science Fiction together?


LOTR: Schooling

A/N: This is my new LOTR School story. The other one made me cringe every time I read it, so I made new characters and funnier moments. Star Wars will be added in the near future.

~LOTR~

Elrond stood in his proud form, as he watched the school buses roll into the school parking lot one by one. He was in one of those rare optimistic moods where he thought everything was going according to plan. Of course, what we've learned from the movies (and who could forget real life?) it that nothing _ever_ goes according to plan. Lord Elrond however, was convinced this plan was going to work. After all, he'd been planning this since the War of the Ring, and it was, after all, planned by him. His last plan was successful enough, so why wouldn't this one be?

Humans, elves, dwarves, hobbits, wizards even orcs and Ringwraiths began pouring off the buses. After all, they were a part of the War of the Ring and the Battle of the Five armies; why shouldn't they partake in his wonderful plan?

"Why have I been summoned to this filthy place, Elrond?" Thranduil demanded. "I've got to find a way to make Tauriel and Legolas hate-I mean...I've got awesome...kingly...stuff to...do. Yeah, that."

Lord Elrond raised an eyebrow. It was common knowledge that Thranduil didn't find Tauriel an appropriate friend (or possible lover?) for his son. She was quick-tempered and reckless, her emotions unconcealed on her pretty face. She was basically the opposite of everything an elf was thought to be. Small wonder that she got along with men and dwarves, but often clashed with the elves.

"Anyways, come follow me, everybody!" Lord Elrond exclaimed, beaming.

Though there was quite a bit of cussing among the orcs, a sarcastic word or two from the humans, a roll of the eyes from the elves, and some protest screeches from the nazgǔl, they all followed him into the strange new building. Elves looked around the building with slight disgust as they followed Lord Elrond into the auditorium. Lord Elrond made stepped upon the stage as the others sat reluctantly into the uncomfortable auditorium chairs.

Lord Elrond: Welcome everyone!

Cricket: *Chirp, chirp*

Lord Elrond: Thank-you for coming!

Cricket: *Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp*

Lord Elrond: -_- Alright, I'm just going to give it to you. Congratulations! You're going to teach human kids for your new task!

There was an immediate uproar amongst them. Hobbits threw rotten tomatoes, as if they saw a poor production, elves said "No, I don't wanna" and "Frig you!" in very fancy matters, men shouted gibberish, dwarves were cursing in dwarfish , orcs were cussing even more than usual, and the nazgǔl were screeching loudly, while hitting each other with baseball bats. Yeah, they were intelligent when Sauron was alive.

"BE QUIET!"

Shouting.

"ENOUGH!"  
Lord Elrond's voice was drowned in the amounts of screaming and shouting.

"SHUT UP OR I'LL INFLICT THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND JUSTIN BEIBERS UPON YOU!"

Well _that_ shut them up. They unfortunately knew of the dangers of Justin Bieber's voice when they were traveling to the School. "Baby" began playing on the radio on the way to the School. Some actually tried to jump out of the windows and the emergency hatches. Then again, it was understandable considering it was Justin Bieber Here were just some of their comments:

Thorin: The idea of being burnt and eaten alive by Smaug suddenly became appealing...

Galadriel: A band of drunken dwarves would've been ideal for music, upon hearing his voice.

Bolg: If the Master used him, we would've actually won.

Boromir: One does not simply listen to him sing and think he's a boy!

Nazgǔl: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHH! (Covers its non-existent ears)

Frodo: Never have I faced such evil...! (Rolls in fetal position and begins rocking back and forth)

Gandalf and Saruman: MADNESS! I TELL YOU, MADNESS!

Gollum: He hases no preciouses.

Fili: If I had to choose between making out with an elf or listening to his music, I'd choose the elf.

Kili: Already been done bro! (Smile slowly spreads across his face)

Fili: (Slowly turns his head) O.o?

Legolas: (Glares at Kili and begins cracking his knuckles).

Yes Justin Bieber was indeed, an evil piece of cheese of Mordor.

The auditorium fell silent, but there were many silent glares directed at Lord Elrond.

"And I've put all of you in "classrooms" where you will teach your "'subjects":

"When I am finished, come up to the stage and receive your paper:

Lord Elrond, that is me, is going to be the principal."

There were a scattered mutters of "Of course".

"King Thranduil will be the Vice Principal, and Galadriel, the counselor."

Thranduil and Galadriel fist-bumped.

"Théoden will be the Secretary." King Théoden performed a double face-palm

"Merry and Pippin will be in charge of making lunch."

The two friends exchanged looks and grinned ear-to-ear.

"Éowyn and Boromir will be in charge of the school activities," Éowyn and Boromir smiled evilly and rubbed their hands together.

"The Nazgǔl will drive the school buses."

The Nazgǔl all screeched in unison.

"Denethor III will be our D.A.R.E and Safety Expert..." Elrond cast a side-ways glance at Denethor III, who was playing with a lighter, flicking it on and off, occasionally muttering sentences like "Hot fire...be careful..." and "Touch not...the red jewel...".

"And Celebrían will be the school nurse." An elf girl with platinum blonde hair like Celeborn, but with Galadriel's face, rolled her eyes.

"Gandalf and Saruman will teach "Social Studies","

"MADNESS!" They both screamed simultaneously. Lord Elrond glared at them before continuing.

"Thorin will teach the subject of "Science"." Thorin just nodded slightly. "English Language Arts" will be taught by Mr. Bilbo Baggins." Bilbo stood up smiling, waved, then sat down. "And Math will be taught by his nephew, Frodo." "As long as I don't have to teach about circles." Frodo said tentatively. Lord Elrond just rolled his eyes.

"Celeborn will be the Theatre Arts' teacher." Celeborn popped from the curtains located on the back of stage with a thin sword and a feathered hat.

"Thou shall allow thy adversary dual against thee!"  
Celeborn then hid himself back in the black curtains. Lord Elrond then proceeded to stare that the place Celeborn was for a very long time, before redirecting his gaze to Galadriel. He opened his mouth as if he was going to ask Galadriel what the cheese just happened, but decided against it.

"The Spanish teachers are going to be Elladan and Elrohir; the French Teacher will be Bolg and the Mandarin teachers, Fili and Kili." Bolg growled and began cussing in Orcish, while the elf twins the dwarf brothers' grinned ear-to-ear.

"Gym will be taught by Aragorn and Tauriel," Arwen glared at Tauriel, and Legolas shot a withering glare at Aragorn. King Thranduil appeared to be calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside he was doing an undignified happy dance.

"And the subject of "Health" will be taught by Arwen and Faramir." Both Arwen and Faramir visibly shivered.

"Art will be taught by Tom Bombadil." Tom began jumping up and down, clapping excitedly, and then proceeded to draw flowers on Éowyn's white dress, which was located beside him. Éowyn snatched her dress away and back-handed Tom across the face, knocking him out.

"Culinary Tech will be taught by Bombur," Bombur shoved a dumpling into his mouth. Lord Elrond turned slightly green, but shook it off. "and Computer Tech will have Gimli as a teacher." "What it this "Computer?" Gimli whispered to Balin. Balin just shrugged his shoulders.

"And finally, Wood Shop will be taught by Legolas Greenleaf, and Music, by Haldir."

Legolas crossed his arms.

"Haha! Very funny!" As Legolas was saying this, Haldir picked up a random trumpet at his feet (no one knew where he got it) and blew it in Thranduil's ear. Thranduil seized the trumpet and hit it over his head.

"ENOUGH!"

Lord Elrond's voice rang through the auditorium.

There was now complete silence.

"Alright, that is all. Now you may go and collect your papers. Now be here bright and early tomorrow morning."


End file.
